The Cast of Characters

I’ve been going through my blog recently, and I have received questions as to who is who (since I don’t use real names). Well, here is a quick bio of my friends (the Cast as they shall be known).

Rogue – my main squeeze. The Naruto to my Hinata. He does amateur voice acting/editing/scriptwriting. He’s about to head into college soon. At least that’s the plan.

Soujiro (The former boyfriend formerly known as Shadow) – my bestest friend that I never met in cyberspace (facebook doesn’t count). He’s going to be the dude of honor at my wedding. That’s how close we are. No, we never did it. He’s still in college where we met.

Brainiac – The old school ex, who is now on friendly terms. He’s a Marine, getting ready to be stationed over in Japan (lucky bastard). We met in Orchestra when I was around 12.

Daisuke (also known as Dark) – my RP buddy. We run “Dark and Jordana’s RP Playhouse” on IMVU. (Check it out?) I can go to him for stuff. I consider him a friend, even if sometimes he doesn’t have the right word to say. He does photography work. Damn good at it too.

Sagi (also knows as Ed) – my right hand Captain in RP worlds. He’s my Interim Captain Commander (if I should ever have to leave). He keeps me on track with things, and if I ever get famous, he’ll end up being my assistant (well… him and Soujiro. But only if they can’t find work elsewhere).

Jay (The Scottish One) – he and I have a storied past. Another one of my Captains, and a dear person to me. I like him. He’s awfully busy these days, so we don’t talk much. Yeah, it sucks.

I’m sure I’m missing people. But I’ll edit this to add people later. This is my entourage. I love these guys. My family.

- Hoshi

My oh my… how sad am I.

“I guess I should have stayed in bed, my pillow wrapped around my head. Instead of waking up to find a nightmare of a different kind.” – The Monkees, This Just Doesn’t Seem To Be My Day

I have so many thoughts swirling, Angels. My head is filled with these tornadoes. I can’t stop thinking about what could have been, the disappointments, coming face to face with the one person who helped shape me by breaking my heart at age 12. This all happened yesterday, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I wanted to work on Kenshin to get my mind off of it all…. but Rogue decided he wasn’t in the mood to work. It fucking upset me, to be honest. I was really excited, and it seemed like he was doing everything to avoid this. So needless to say, he and I haven’t talked much today.

So this leaves me to face the thoughts of the man, whom I’ll call Brainiac the Marine. After not talking to him since the breakup (at least 8 years ago), we exchanged emails back and forth. Turns out, he and I have become two totally different people… though some things never change. He looks the same, except he has no hair now. Boot camp took care of that. He’s not as much of a snob, or so  I thought. It made me realize why it wouldn’t have worked out. We talked about it all, and it just reaffirmed that yes… we were young and stupid.

“I’m gonna pack up all the pain. I’m gonna keep it in my heart. I’m gonna catch me the fastest train. I’m gonna make me a brand new start.” – The Monkees, Tomorrow’s Going To Be Another Day

And boy… did I. I decided life was full of disappointments from others. The last thing I wanted to do was disappoint myself. So I became the person I wanted to be. No compromises. No restraint. I did what I wanted. I reached the creative zenith I longed for. I had the best muses, and I became one for some. The men in my life were all creative geniuses who did what they wanted and loved what they did. I fed off of that. It was a blissful time.

“I had no more than I did before, but now I’ve got all that I need. For I love you, and I know you love me.” – The Monkees, Papa Gene’s Blues

I finally thought I was over him. I thought he was just a memory. A ghost who never haunted me. Then, I sent him a facebook message. I doubt he’d even remember me, let alone respond. But he did. And told me to email him. So I did. We just talked about things. Where we were, the usual “catch up” stuff. We talked about everything… except our past. We found out that we were different people since Jr. High school. He was more open, and not as reserved. As for me… well, I’m a totally different person.

“Believing in the promise painted in your smile, I’ve chased what I was running from along the while. I’ve known you a hundred times, in memories I recall. Still, I don’t think you know me at all.” – The Monkees, I Don’t Think You Know Me At All

I saw him two days ago for the first time in over 5 years. I remembered how attractive he used to be (and how he still had the same smile and eyes). I saw him in a new light. He was a new Brainiac. He thought the same of me, I’m sure. It wasn’t until last night… That’s when we addressed the elephant in the car. I won’t go into it here. Let’s just say, we might have done things differently if we had known better.

The past can not be changed. Still, we all wonder about second chances. Would I date him again? (If I wasn’t with Rogue, that is.) Well… it would be hard to date a Marine stationed in Japan (and yes, I’m jealous). I don’t know if I could. Maybe. But I can’t. So it’s best not to think about it.

Welcome to my mind, Angels. Emergency exits are for cowards.

Loves and kisses,

Hoshi

I has gone virtual… again.

http://www.youtube.com/PerfectlyFlawed15

Now, my dear Angels, you can see the face behind the blog! My Video Blog is up and running. I’ll be posting them not only to here, but to my Twitter as well. This blog is also linked to the YouTube account, so you can see it there when I update it! Here’s the first Video Blog!

Christmas Blessings

Hello there, Angels! Merry Christmas (or whatever holiday you celebrate).

I’m continuously amazed at the progress of technology. I received a new laptop for Christmas. Running Windows 7, which is looking like the best thing since bread. I was actually able to set up my blog where I could make posts right from the computer. I didn’t even have to access BlogSpot. So thanks, Microsoft. We appreciate you looking out for the bloggers out here.

I thought I was going to have to dip into my savings for a new computer. The Divine One in all His glory gave my mom the money to buy this for me, knowing my other laptop was about to die. So thanks, God. You always look out for me. Thanks for giving my mom this idea.

I wanted to also thank all the Angels. That means you guys. I know I don’t post much, but I wanted to say that I appreciate those who stuck with me all this time. You don’t know how much you mean to me. I thank you all for being the awesome Angels you are. Let’s keep striving for something more than ourselves… and doing it together.

All my love,

Hoshi

The Holidays

Hi Angels! It's almost Christmas time.

I don't know about you, but I've always loved this time of you. Not only do we celebrate the birth of Jesus, but we exchange gifts. Don't get me wrong, I love presents as much as the next person.

Call me a sinner, but I'm not too fond of the Christmas music right now. There's still a while before the day itself, yet the radio is crammed with Christmas music. I don't mind the week before... -sigh-

I miss my Rogue. I wish I could have him for Christmas. But cosplay stuff is nice too.

Have a merry Holiday season!

-Hoshi

A rant from Rogue's Lady

Forgive me, Angels, but I need to rant.

Ok. Here I am. It's 7 in the morning. I am awake. The dog is bitching. I'm angry. I was woken up, made to watch the dog. -sigh- I'm already in a grumpy mood. And this is only the beginning of the day. I can only hope the day gets better.

I love you Angels. Sleep tight. I hope I can.

- Hoshi

Looking for a new horizon

A poem.

I search through the haze
Longing for a clear day.
Instead the same endless tunnel
The only thing to guide my way.

My dreams take me away
Past the clouds, amongst the stars.
There you sit, waiting.
With your hands out in awe.

Dancing in the darkness
Reciting the glory of life
We wait for the day of reality
Free of drama and strife

In a trinity of love
The Champion, the Neko Boy and the Otaku Girl...
How I long for this.

Attention all wrestling fans!

My friend says someone should write a guide for "A survival guide for wrestling fans in the post kayfabe era". Apparently my friend, who is a bit older, gets picked on for still following the old rules of kayfabe.

So I told him that I'll write one. But I might need some help. That's where you come in. What do you think the proper rules for a modern day wrestling fan? Post in my comments or on twitter. Thanks!

- Hoshi

Ready for the change

Hello Angels!

Well, the move to the new Funhouse will be in three days. I'm excited to be moving. I even get my own office in the place. I'm making it my game room/dorm office. (even if my mother hates that, I'm doing it. Tough noogies.)

I'm going on a diet. Turns out my cholesterol is a wee bit too high. So it's mostly for health reasons. If I did lose some weight, it might give me a little bit of a creative push. Maybe even seriously consider becoming a wrestling manager/valet. Right, Senor Conquistador?

I could go for a coffee right about now, and some popcorn for Impact!

Take care, Angels!

-Hoshi

Hello again, Angels!

Well, things are going to be hectic at the house. I'm hoping to move soon, but the people buying the house are... How do I put this.... Let's just say there are a few more hurdles to jump over. Pray for me. I need the grace.

If anyone's looking for a good wrestling promotion, may I suggest Ring of Honor?I am head over heels in love with ROH. The action is amazingly good, the wrestlers are wonderful, and they don't make you feel like an idiot. Check them out at: www.rohwrestling.com

Take care, Angels! Much love!

-Hoshi

PS: find me on Twitter. I'm MadamXavier

The possibility of possibilities

Hi Angels!

For the first time in a long time, I'm going on a date. A real date. This is a casual date, so I haven't given this guy a nickname yet. Still, I look forward to this experience. He seems like a nice guy, and I can't wait to get to know him.

Loves and kisses,

Hoshi

A not so successful comeback?

Wow, I've been gone for a while now. I totally forgot this blog was even here... Sorry, Angels.

Well, a lot has happened. I graduated college, and I'm still sort of looking for love. I have someone I care about, but distance makes it hard. Although I will admit, as much as I've tried, I can't stop loving him.

Though I'm still looking for a full time TV job, I do have many script ideas. Not only for the show, but for a full length movie. The movie is about a girl who gets a chance to be an astronaut, and fly in a mission. I won't say much else, but it could very well work.

Don't be afraid to approach me, Angels. I feel awful lonely in Cyberspace.

Kisses and love,

Hoshi

For times yet to be determined.

*looks at the date between the last post and today*

Dear jeepers! Has it really been that long? Damn. I'm sorry, Angels. *dusts off the screen*

I guess I've been busier than I expected to be. Getting ready to graduate college is a full time task, but when you have to devote part of your time to academics, part of your time to a job, and the rest of the time nursing various illnesses... it takes a lot out of you.

Because it has been a while since I posted, I guess I better bring you all up to speed. Shadow and I broke up a couple of weeks ago. Don't worry, we're still friends. We just realized that we love spending time together, but there was no romance there. It works out better for all those involved. Now I just have to adjust to being single again (and that needs more time that I do not have... though I am looking for someone. Apply within).

Change. It is the only true constant. Seems that my life is all about change right now. I can't help but wonder, though... where is my place in life? Now that I'm getting to be ready to be out of school, I can possibly focus on writing my own pilot script for the show idea that I have. Who knows? Maybe someone will pick it up. I have to write the damn thing first (yet another thing I do not have time for at the moment).

At least I'm not without ideas. I have several skit ideas. They're all in the works, except for the baby cow skit. Let's just say I'd expect to have a letter from PETA after that thing is aired. I promise. I will never kill a real baby cow EVER. Shinigami's Honor.

Anyway, I think I'll leave you with that. Sorry for the lack of Philosophical conversation. This sinus stuff is about to drive me nuts. I'll leave you with this thought:

Lettuce. Good or bad?

Cheers and kisses,

Hoshi

Random Comment from this side of the river.

I hope a certain someone knows how much he means to me. He works like a dog, and deserves all my love. I'm going to show him how much I love him.

(Hugs for Shadow)

What is a Chrsitian Buddhist?

Hi there Angels!

I get strange looks when I tell people that I'm a Christian Buddhist. I'm either a Sinner and going to get ass raped by Satan, or I'm just a nutjob.

Here's what I believe: I am a Christian, who is open minded to the philosophy of Buddhism. I believe in the existence of God, and I follow Jesus in all I do. However, Buddha has some good things going for him. I know Buddha is not a god, but a man who had his shit together. He didn't worry about what the world was made of, he just wanted to live a good life. Isn't that what all Christians want to do? Serve others, and seek God in all things... that's what I want to do. I want to leave positive energy on this earth, and give all of myself to my God in my service to the world. I wish to be a light of hope, and give people a smile. I want to be at peace with all people and things, giving my children a good place to live in. We must take care of this earth, so all who come after us can serve God in a clean place.

This is what I must do, as a Christian Buddhist.

- Hoshi

Virus Scans and Poofy Hair

Hello once again, Crimson Angels.

I noticed a strange pop-up on my dear laptop (affectionately called the Lappy after the Strong Bad email series on homestarruner.com) notifying me of a worm on my computer. Turned out, after doing a virus scan, that the pop-up was a trojan itself! Yikes. I hope the scan took care of it, but if not, it shouldn't be that bad to fix it. (Wish me luck on that one.)

Now, while it's cold here in Carbondale, it's rather warm in my residence hall. So warm, that my hair has reached a rather poofy level. I'm talking borderline Carrot Top... only my hair's a different color. So it's being pulled back in a ponytail, as it usually is anyway.

The cake is a lie. (From Portal. Look it up.)

On a more serious note, some people may like to spend all their time alone. I am not one of those people. Shadow is not only my boyfriend, but my best friend. As far as other friends.... well... the best friends I had were back in High School, and I never hear from them anymore. I have online friends, but I never really have much physical interation with anyone but co-workers, some acquaintences and Shadow. It kind of sucks.

Ok, it sucks a lot.

Regardless, maybe some of you out there are reading this, and I can only offer you the one thing a lot of people don't seem to want: my friendship.

- Hoshi

Anyone up for some Philosophy?

Dearest Crimson Angels,

Now that you've met me, I feel like I can go deeper into your collective consciousness. Let's try some philosophical banter, shall we?

Here's a topic: We all know that parents are supposed to be the ones who encourage us. So why is it that when they bring us down (some intentionally, other not so), it hurts so much more?

For instance, I have a friend (well, many friends) who were told that they could not be anything or do anything they so desired. They never felt comfortable with who they are because their parents didn't like who they were (are) becoming. Personally, I feel that this is the source of most rebellion.

As humans, we just want to be loved for who we are. Sadly, parents sometimes feel that their children are a bad representation of themselves to society.

So I ask: What do you think, Angels?

- Hoshi

The first, and hopefully not the last.

To all the Crimson Angels who may be viewing:

Welcome to the latest incarnation of my writing experience. I'm still slightly undecided where to take this. I figure, it could either be the extension of my print journal, or possibly a whole new social commentary-type blog. Where ever it may go, thank you for being here.

I guess I should introduce myself. The name's Mallory, but people call me Hoshi. You can call me which ever name you like. My interests are as random as who I am. The include, but are not limited to the following:

Penguins.
Video Games.
Knowledge.
Anything Japanese.
Role-playing (not the sexual kind)
Cosplay (similar, but not quite roleplay)
Food.
Cooking.
Writing.
Music.
Television.
Interior Design.
The color red.
Buddhism.
Living a 'greener' life.
Poetry.

There may be more, and I'll add to the list as I see fit.

A little more about me: I'm a Christian Buddhist who is dating a wonderful man whom we'll call Shadow. And as soon as I think of something better to say, I'll say it.

Until then, Crimson Angels, dream sweet dreams of blood and words.

- Hoshi